mmmm..chocolate!

So it's around early afternoon, you know...that time about a couple of hours after lunch but still not close enough where you consider it late afternoon and close to the end of the work day. For the sake of the matter we'll just say 3 0'clock because that works. I'm sitting here contemplating what else I can do to pass the time until that dreamed about 5 o'clock rolls around. ( twidling my thumbs was already taken seeing as how I did that the first 2 hours of the 'early morning' day. I start thinking of the healthy chicken salsa salad I had for lunch and I am patting myself on the back when all of the sudden! damned if I don't start thinking about chocolate and not just any chocolate this craving has a particular name and it is reese's cups.

It's in my head now, engulfing any rational thought I have about how its not going to be healthy for me and how I will regret it as soon as I am done eating it. It's beginning to take over to the point where I can't even search the internet mindlessly without shouting 'in my head of course' reese's reese's reese's. It's beginning to sound like a roaring chant, one usually heard in the final moments of an intense football game. That's it! I'm getting one!

I get up and happily skip to the closest lunch room, where we have newly recieved a 40yr old vending machine. But hey...who's complaining, I put the money in, it shoots out the over cholesteral ridden junk of a snack that gets most of us through the day. Making my way over to the fridge I get my can of red bull that i brought for a pick me up 'just in case'. Hey if I am gonna be bad and load up on sugar i mind as well do it right. Go out in style right? Glancing over I am dumbfounded to see that the grannie of a vending machine does not carry reese's cups anymore, it has now been filled with a health nuts version of snackable bites. Who needs granola, it's not like I am trying to have cerial. I WANT CHOCOLATE!

I'm on a mission. I've now gotten it into my head that I no longer 'want' this I 'need' it and we all know where that goes. My original juant of a skip has now turned into a full blown stride where I eat up a normal 3 steps in one. I am actually on my way to the forbidden lunch room. The room where no respectable person eats bc I think its about to be condemmed and shut down for its erieness. But I don't care, as soon as I turn that corner I know it was all worth it. I literally jump for joy as I slide in my coins and happily push the correct numbers. D-10. A squeal escapes from my lips and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Back at my desk I take my first much awaited bite into the creamy, peanut butter filled object of my desire. mmmmm....its good and i mean really good. Like orgasmic good. Is this becuase I deprive myself the luxery of these delicious treats or because I haven't had a reese's cup in so long that the anticipation had made my tastebuds explode? I guess we'll never no but I am in heaven. I would like to say that I ate both of the chocolate cups slow but I've already sinned enough so I'll truthfully say I delicatley scarfed them (as a lady would of course) and washed them down with a can of redbull.

So there I was, staring at my computer with a half smirk on my face because I just satisfied my craving and I mean sat-is-fied, when all of the sudden this feeling comes over me. I look at the wastebasket that now holds the reminants of my torn wrapper and watch it glare back at me. Mocking me because it has won! I was doing so good....I had a fricken salad for lunch instead of that damn borrito! What was I thinking! I'm now frustrated beyond belief, my head kinda hurts and I just feel woof! But wait.....something is happening....there is a rushing going on inside my head. Am I losing it? Ahhh, it's the redbull kicking in. Yup, I"m gonna be fine! I am hyper, I am free, I am spazing but I am up and feeling great. NO more chocolate comma. I turn back around towards the wastebasket, take one last look at the essence that made me doubt my actions, and I...stick my toungue out at it. Yup, I'm 5 but I don't care. I am not going to let my insecurities rule me. It is what it is and we are all perfect creatures in our own way. I feel better all ready.

For those of you reading this and wondering, 'hmm does she or does she not have an eating problem?' In answer...no I don't , I just have too much time on my hands and an at times desperate need to prove to myself that I can be healthy. Not the barf your brains up, or don't eat for 3 days healthy but serious healthy with veggies and full meals.

Until the next craving....