Who do I want to be?

I have trouble getting up in the mornings. There I said it! I know most people, probably around 90%, have this same problem. But this fact doesn't make my laziness any easier to accept. I read a lot and in doing so I find a lot of characters who I can relate with on some level or in most cases, would like to relate to. For instance I might be reading a book where the main character is so intelligent and witty that I wish I would have taken more business classes per say in college. Then I think...what! are you kidding me, I would have hated business classes. But I think what I am envying most is this determination of one-self. This drive to push yourself beyond all means to accomplish everything and anything you want. So some of you are reading this and nodding and thinking ok...that's not so bad. However, I'm not entirely sure I know what I want and I am not entirely sure that is a bad thing. Should I know where I want to be in 5 years? I can't even decide what I want for dinner 10 minutes before I am going to eat so this 5 years scope is a huge concept to grasp. Chicken or sea-food? Design or design? Wait! I don't even have any options... so what am I worried about. I guess I picked this path in college all because I saw a really cool poster that Heidi Williams had done with a collage of absolut bottles and I thought to myself....hmmm well that is pretty frickin cool, what is your major, oh its graphic design is it? well sign me up because I want to do some pretty frickin cool stuff too.
So here I am....I have a degree with a portfolio that at times I like to think holds some pretty cool frickin stuff and I finally have a job which I like 90 % of the time as long as they keep giving me work because I like to stay busy. Yet I am writing this blog, almost complaining, comparing my life to that of a made up character in a book.
And do you know where all of this wondering stemmed from? I started reading a book, names not really important since I insist on reading cheesy romance novels, and the main character gets up every morning at the crack of dawn to go running. She does this because she wants to, because she enjoys exercising and clearing her mind and just the ability of her body to feel rejuivinated from simple fitness. And so I found myself wanting to be more like her and contemplating why I don't get up at 5a.m. instead of 6 and go for a little run. I know it would make me feel better, it's better for me and I wouldn't be so god awful tired all the time. But honestly, I can't fathom the idea of crawling out of my warm safe haven of a 5 blanket cacoon to go traipsing out and about in the cold to "wake up". I guess I could just settle for the morning hot shower until I decide that training for a marathon is in my cards.

I probably should have titled this blog "self analysis" but there is so much more "me stuff" that I will have to conclude about at a later date. That way I can gather all of my random thoughts and actually write in a consise, clear manner that is better understood than the insane gurrgle that I sometimes throw onto a page. I'm sure ya'll are looking forward to that day. Oh to see inside the inner workings of Jessica Large. Maybe they'll make a lifetime movie out of it. Lets hope not!